I’m in the military, so we move around quite a bit. While my wife is 100% behind my choice of careers, it does make it hard for her to get a job that pays well and has potential growth.
We had a very easy time getting pregnant with both of our children. I call my wife a “no drama mama” because everything went smoothly and she remained active throughout the pregnancies.
Being a natural mom, and always wanting to help someone else, becoming a gestational surrogate seemed like a natural fit for my wife. She was planning on being a surrogate for her cousin, but then her cousin got pregnant using IVF. My wife was thrilled for her cousin, but still wanted to help another family as a surrogate, so she started looking into surrogacy agencies.
As she did her research, my wife found out that most agencies want the husbands to give permission for their wives to be surrogates, which I thought was great because a pregnancy affects the whole family. This requirement can help jump-start the discussion about a wife wanting to become a gestational surrogate and surrogacy affecting a marriage.
During our research phase we talked to another military couple, where the wife had been a surrogate, to see how it worked out for them. They were able to answer a lot of our questions and reassured us that this could be a possibility for all families. One question I had asked was about helping with the kids and things around the house, especially during the last month of pregnancy. Here’s what this military couple said – I worry about her since we have two little kids, if I’m out on deployment what’s she going to do. My military friend put my mind at ease about that, he said with the money she’ll be getting paid she can hire some help. Also, there’s a group of military wives who have been, or are now, surrogates. They keep a list of house cleaners and baby sitters that can get on the base and that people have been happy with. Between the assistance of the surrogacy agency and finding help within the group of wives, I’m convinced she’s not going to have any problems taking care of the home.
It’s Hard for My Wife to Work a Regular Job
As mentioned previously, I’m in the military so we move quite a bit. Between the moving and having small children, my wife can’t stay with a job long enough to move up in a company. It’s hard for her to get anything other than a low paying job. When she does have a job, the majority of the money my wife makes goes to child care. She doesn’t like being away from the kids and frankly, for the little money she makes, it isn’t worth it. Yes, surrogacy is a 24-hour-a-day job but those hours are spent at home with our family. She’s getting a great work environment and her co-workers (kids) are adorable.
The Baby Wasn’t Going to be Genetically Related to Either of Us
One of the things my wife decided on immediately was to do gestational surrogacy instead of traditional surrogacy. In traditional surrogacy the surrogate uses her own egg, but my wife doesn’t want the baby to be genetically related to her. She wants to help someone by carrying the child they always dreamt about. In gestational surrogacy, an embryo is produced using the intended mother’s egg, or a donor egg, and the intended father’s sperm, or donor sperm. This way there will be no genetic connection to either of us. It’s important because I think it will help my wife separate herself emotionally from the baby when it’s delivered. I assume the bond she’ll develop with the intended parents will help control her emotional connection with the baby as well. My wife is so passionate about parenthood, she will definitely develop a relationship with the intended parents that are going such great lengths to become parents.
Gestational Surrogacy is Something My Wife Really Wants to Do and I Support Her Completely
My wife really wants to do something that will help somebody else. Surrogacy fits our family and lifestyle, at this point it’s probably the best use of her gifts. I’m very proud of her! She has a loving attitude and has a desire to help another family experience the joys of parenthood like we have. Naturally, I want to support her and help her along her surrogacy journey. Surrogacy is a good solution for our family. I read online recently that 15 to 20 percent of surrogate babies nationwide are born to military wives, even though the military makes up less than 1 percent of the population of the United States. I’m proud to say that my wife if going to be joining that statistic.