The surrogacy process is a journey that’s full of excitement, hope, and tension. And like every other journey, it requires the Intended Parents to prepare for every aspect of it: practical, emotional, and financial.
Before embarking on the journey, it is good to take some time to evaluate yourself and your levels of readiness for the process:
How many kids will you have?
First off, you will have to make some important decisions about the surrogacy process itself. For instance, you will have to choose whether you are going to prepare for a single pregnancy or for twins. While a lot of people would like to build a complete family all at once by having twins, one needs to know that “multiple” pregnancies have their own risks, not to mention the heavy workload expected once the babies are born.
Selecting a Surrogate
Going forward, there is going to be a strong connection between you and the potential surrogate. Note that both parties will need to meet up and make sure there is a fit for both parties before deciding to work together.
This is an important step in the surrogacy process in which you will have to state, in plain terms, what you expect from your surrogate and respond to what she expects from you. It is also good to ensure that the expectations match up in order to prevent friction during the conception and the surrogate pregnancy itself.
While the distance gives you some freedom, it is recommended that you stay emotionally attached and keep asking yourself important questions. For example, who is going to be your main support system, what type of parent are you going to be, how are you going to manage your career and marriage when the baby arrives, and how your life will change after the baby is born.
The distance may also lead to anxiety due to the lack of control when the most valuable thing is far away and not within the range of your influence. In order to relieve stress, Intended Parents sometimes comb the web for information, which only raises the anxiety levels, instead of producing a calming effect. When in these situations, it is better to fend off any negative thoughts and seek reassurance and support from your loved ones.
Selecting an Egg Donor
If needed, you will have to select an egg donor that has the qualities you want your future baby to possess. At this stage, it is good not to search extensively for an unrealistic donor. You need to agree that we will never be able to know and determine in advance what the characteristics of our babies are going to be.
Another thing you need to consider is whether you want to use an anonymous egg donor or a known donor who may have a relationship with the baby in the future. If you decide to use an anonymous donor, you’ll want to use a reputable agency. Make sure you fully understand their donor screening process. Once you’ve chosen an agency, you’ll have access to their database where you can choose a donor that best suits your wants and needs.
If you choose to use a known donor, they can be someone you know such as a close friend or family member. You’ll already know your donor’s personality and potentially their health and family background. They will also have the unique opportunity to be a part of your child’s life, which can be incredibly rewarding. A known donor will be required to go through the same screening and retrieval process as an anonymous donor.
There are thousands of sources that you can get information from. It may seem a little overwhelming, but it’s a good idea to read a book or two to give you some sort of clarity on what to expect once your newborn arrives.
Attend classes and find services
There are a wide variety of resources available in your community. Reach out to your hospital, pediatrician, or local family services to find parenting classes. Many of these classes will prepare you for your baby’s arrival and may give you tips on services they may need as well.
Prepare to bring your baby home!
Throughout the pregnancy, start gathering essential items like a crib, stroller, and any decorations for the nursery. This step will not only ensure that you have everything for your baby but will get you in the mindset of becoming a parent.
Life as you know it will forever change
The first few months after your baby arrives will be a little hectic. You will have middle of the night feedings and a limited social schedule. If there are other family members living with you discuss their roles, responsibilities and expectations as well.
Go with the flow and enjoy the journey
You will not get to experience the pregnancy firsthand. However, you will have nine months to emotionally prepare yourself for your baby’s arrival. Part of that preparation is being involved as much as you can during your surrogate’s pregnancy. Set up a baby registry or throw a baby shower to help get excited about your new arrival.
Every parent has an idea of how they will handle certain situations. However, just keep in mind nothing goes as planned when raising a little one. Just go with the flow! No matter how many classes you’ve taken or how prepared you feel there will be challenges and some things that are out of your control. Just remember, everything will be o.k. even if it doesn’t go as planned.
If you and/or your partner are looking to start a family, Physician’s Surrogacy is here to help! We are a surrogacy agency located in San Diego, CA and have professionals that will not only help you find the perfect surrogate but will be there with you every step of the way. You can visit us at www.physicianssurrogacy.com or call (858) 342-3327 to learn more!