Physician’s Surrogacy is one of the top egg donation agencies in San Diego. We have helped numerous couples and individuals start a family through egg donation and surrogacy.
One of the most common questions that we get from Intended Parents is: can we love a child that is not genetically connected to us? Will the child love me once they know?
It can be devastating for a woman to learn that she can’t use her own eggs to have her baby. For a couple, it can be hard to accept the fact that the baby won’t be genetically their child. These worries accelerate even more when considering using an egg donor.
These anxieties are completely normal to have, and don’t indicate that a woman will find it hard to love a child conceived by egg donation. Usually a woman does not reject the child that she had after waiting for so long. Often, the grief of not being able to have the child you hoped for, gives way to excitement. Modern medicine has provided another way to build and grow your family even if you can’t conceive naturally with your own eggs.
Still, the disappointment of not being able to use your own eggs can be difficult to overcome. Often people experience stages of grief before accepting the egg donor. Grieving is a personal process, and there’s no ‘right way’ to grieve. But there are many benefits of using donor eggs, once you’ve reached a point of acceptance.
Why Consider an Egg Donor?
Many couples struggling with infertility will consider egg donation when building their family. Egg donation offers a very high success rate and in most cases the egg donor and recipient remain anonymous. It also provides a way for same sex couples to start a family.
Medical reasons may also factor in a couple’s decision to use an egg donor. Some reasons include premature ovarian failure, a recent cancer diagnosis, or inherited genetic diseases.
Egg donation provides a new hope for couples and individuals in making their dreams of a family possible.
Using Donor Eggs Is Common
These days the stigma of IVF (in vitro fertilization) has virtually vanished as it has become very common. Many people now feel comfortable sharing their IVF experience. But egg donor IVF is a different story.
According to the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 12% of all IVF cycles in the United States involve eggs that are retrieved from an egg donor. Using donor eggs and IVF has the highest success rate compared to all other fertility treatments. Yet very few women admit to taking this route.
For women going through donor egg IVF, it is a chance to improve the odds and embrace change. Each cycle has a better chance of success and it’s an acceptable way for you to build a family.
Anxieties About Donor Eggs Are Natural
It is common for people trying to have a baby using donor eggs to be anxious and have many questions related to it. Let’s answer some of the most common questions one by one:
- Will the baby feel like my own? What if we don’t bond?
Studies indicate that when parents of children born using donor eggs are asked about their experiences, they are very upbeat. It’s easy to assume that those Intended Parents must stay positive because they’re living with that choice.
But according to our lead reproductive endocrinologist, in the past 15 years he has never encountered a patient that used a donor egg not feeling like the baby was biologically theirs.
For the woman, it helps to realize that her body gives the baby life. What she does to herself affects the baby. She will feel the baby kicking inside her, she will give birth to the baby. Pregnancy and childbirth create powerful bonding moments.
- Will I be able to know anything about the egg donor?
When using a donor egg from an egg donor bank, Intended Parents find specific information like eye and hair color, education, interests and more. Sometimes parents can see pictures of the donor throughout the donor’s life.
- How will the news about how he or she was conceived affect your child?
Many couples choose to explain to their children how they were conceived. When they are old enough most parents will tell their children, they were conceived by using an egg donor. This brings honesty in their relationship with their child. Many children’s books are also available that can help you explain to a child how he or she was conceived using a donor egg.
- Are egg donors doing this only for money? What if they are lying about their family history?
A question that most of you (Intended Parents) have is – why would anyone donate? Typically egg donors are well-informed, thoughtful and have strong support from their friends and family members. Sometimes compensation is the only reason for which they donate. Even so, they know very well that they are helping someone. Most often, they will tell the truth about their family history.
Overcoming the fear
Even with all the evidence, few might still hesitate to commit to try to get pregnant using donor eggs. The truth is genetics is a narrative and used selectively to strengthen the story. Most people pick out the facts that fit and ignore those that don’t.
An intended mother who got eggs from Physician’s Surrogacy explained how using donor eggs gave her the chance to experience pregnancy and the joy of creating a child.
“We’re very happy and grateful for the option and Physician’s Surrogacy,” she said. “If it weren’t for them, we would not have had such a beautiful daughter. She’s amazing.”
It is important to work through each question and fear that you have related to using donor eggs. Take some time to make your decision. Once you process everything and feel that you’re ready, you will know your decision is in the best interest for you and your family
If you would like to know more about using an egg donor, reach out to us at – 858-847-5939 or visit www.physicianssurrogacy.com to schedule a free consultation.