How to Tell Your Child They Were Born via Surrogacy

parent with baby

Discussing conception and childbirth with their child can prove to be a difficult and uncomfortable conversation for many parents. Furthermore, this conversation seems to become extremely difficult when medical, social, and emotional complexities are involved. 

According to many experts in this field, it’s important for parents to share their surrogacy journey with their child. After all, it’s your child’s story too. In this blog, we will discuss the importance of revealing the details of how your child was brought into this world with the help of a Surrogate mother. Remember, keep it natural and spontaneous. This will make the whole process a lot easier for your child to understand. 

There can be a lot of psychological ups and downs throughout the journey to becoming parents using a Surrogate. This is one of the most important phases of your life and you should share it with your child. At Physician’s Surrogacy, we often see parents who come to us with just one question, “How can we possibly explain to our child how they were conceived and brought into this world?” It’s very important for Intended Parents to explain everything to their child related to their journey into this world via surrogacy. This will give your child a chance to grow with a sense of who they truly are and become more confident about themselves.

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When is the best time to tell your child?

Some experts say as early as age four. At this age children typically try to understand their parents.  They can also start to understand some of the details of the journey their parents are trying to discuss with them. This will positively affect their ability to understand and accept the real facts.

However, there’s always the risk of someone else telling your child this story in an inappropriate manner. This may confuse them and affect their ability to understand the real facts. Some children may feel a variety of emotions. They could range from feeling angry to betrayal. Most children tend to have a better understanding when their parents explain the surrogacy process to them instead of someone they may not know.  It’s no secret that parents know the best way to put the facts into words as per their child’s behaviour and temperament.

Reasons on why you should talk with your child about Surrogacy

There are a variety of reasons you should talk to your child about their surrogacy journey. The American Society of Reproductive Medicine (ASRM) emphasizes the fact that parents should disclose their child’s conception story to them. Parents should not create any secrecy about a child’s origin because this can have a very negative impact on them. There’s always a risk for parents that if they don’t talk freely to them, they will always remain frightened that someone else will tell their child about the story of their origin. Also knowing the story of their origin plays a role in the development of self-esteem, sense of identity, and trust. There is no need to hide this beautiful story from them. Since you have trusted your decision to opt for surrogacy to bring your child in this world, you should also trust your way of informing them about it.  There is nothing wrong with your decision, so being open with them shows that you have never doubted your decision.

Here are some important reasons  to talk with your child about their birth through a Surrogate:

Telling your child’s Surrogacy story

Most intended parents are confused about how to address this particular situation to their children. Even if they have already recognized the need to explain their surrogacy origin,  they do find it quite difficult to select a topic to drive the conversation. Some parents don’t talk to their child since they may feel they are not grown up enough to understand what this conversation actually means, and they believe that their child will not understand the facts correctly. However, making this conversation long can also have negative consequences for your child. Giving too many details too soon can overwhelm a young child. They may get frustrated since they can’t fully grasp the concept yet, and this may lead to a mental breakdown.

There are a variety of ways of telling your story. However, you as their parent will know which way is best.  You are the only person who can ensure that your child can grasp and understand such a situation. So, our suggestion is that you should talk it out with them openly before it is too late. You can start by telling them short stories when they are younger and then go into more details later when they are old enough to mentally process everything.  

Preparing yourself to tell your child’s story 

As an Intended Parent, you should prepare yourself to tell this story to your child before they are even born. You are one of the most important parts of the surrogacy process, so you will have a lot of information that you can write down for your baby. You can even make a scrapbook for your child that would have the entire procedure in a picture form. This scrapbook can display different phases of the surrogacy process such as conception, gestation, and delivery. You can also collect a testimonial from the Surrogate mother, her family, and the staff who have been with you throughout your surrogacy journey. Include all these testimonials and notes in your scrapbook for them so that they can feel the emotions of the process when they are ready. This can be the biggest gift to your child since they will be able to learn about all of these wonderful people who have played a role in bringing them to this wonderful world. Also, this is a great way to explain everything to your child when they are young since they love reading stories about themselves. 

You can also use this time to begin practising talking about their surrogacy journey. Think about the words you will use. Try telling the story to friends and family to make sure it all makes sense. You can even start telling the story when your child is an infant. This way you are more comfortable and confident once they are old enough. 

Final Thoughts

Your child’s surrogacy journey should be viewed as an ongoing discussion rather than a one-time conversation. It is very important for you to talk to your child about the surrogacy process and its value. You have to be open and give your child all the information they will require to understand the overall picture. The more information you give them, the better understanding they’ll have about the journey. This will enable them to relate to the procedure. If you are having any doubts, you can also talk to your family therapist about how you can initiate this conversation with your child. You can also ask a friend or family member to help you out but it’s best if you talk to them confidently as you know your child better than anyone else.

Your journey to building the family of your dreams is a positive one. It’s a story of people coming together to help create a life and you should be extremely proud of that. Your child will feel more special than ever when they learn about their surrogacy origin. For further information, you can visit us or you can call us at (858) 345-3273 to talk with our experts.

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