There is no one right relationship between the Intended Parents and Surrogates. In Physicians Surrogacy (Surrogacy agency in San Diego), we know, no two surrogacy journeys are the same, and similarly, no relationship between Intended Parents and Surrogate is the same. The truth is that you will have to find what relationship is right for you and what level of communication makes you comfortable.
The question remains, how do you know what the right kind of relationship is? Physicians Surrogacy (Surrogacy agency in San Diego) reached out to our Surrogate community and asked them what type of relationship they hope for during their surrogacy journey and what would they look forward to most in their relationship with potential Intended Parents. Whether a surrogate wants to chat with the Intended Parents every day or only wants to attend scheduled calls, each Surrogate has her version of the ideal relationship.
What makes a relationship between Intended Parents and Surrogates happy and healthy ultimately depends upon the parties involved. Although it’s not a common occurrence, sometimes Intended Parents and Surrogates become incredibly close in a short amount of time. We have learned that the best relationships are those that develop naturally throughout the process. Remember, establishing a relationship can be time-consuming, but ultimately it will pay off.
One common element in all the responses was the happiness that each Surrogate felt from being able to give the precious gift of life to another couple or individual. We also found that some of the Surrogates have already become a part of the Intended Parent’s family, while others chose not to keep in touch after the completion of the surrogacy journey.
We’re Like Family
Some Surrogates glow up immediately when asked to describe their relationship with the Intended Parents.
“I consider my Intended Parents as part of my family. We bonded immediately once we matched, and from that moment, I just knew that my journey was going to be amazing. Everything was perfect; they were loving and supportive to me as well as my entire family. Initially, when I was filling my application to become a Surrogate, I was wondering how my relationship will end up with Intended Parents. Still, I certainly didn’t expect that I would become this close to them, let alone have them as a part of my life forever.” PS Surrogate
My relationship with the Intended Parents couldn’t be any better. We hit it off from the beginning, and our relationship grew gradually from that point. They message me with updates and pictures frequently, even now, after the journey is over. I will always look at them as a part of my family.” PS Surrogate
“Love my relationship with the Intended Parents and always wanted them to be involved in the pregnancy, and so we would talk several times a week during the journey. Now, even though the pregnancy is over, I still feel like they’re a part of the family.” PS Surrogate
We’re Going to Visit!
Intended Parents can come from all over. When Intended Parents are international, surrogates travel abroad to maintain their relationship.
“I loved the Intended Parents during my surrogacy! When I first met with them, it felt like I knew them my whole life. We’re good friends now, and even my kids love them. We talk at least once a week over skype as they live in Paris. But we’re planning to visit them next month.” PS Surrogate
“The Intended Parents and I decided from the beginning that we wouldn’t enforce a close relationship. We were clear to let the relationship play out naturally. I preferred this because I feel awkward going from complete strangers to an intimate relationship so quickly. Ultimately, we ended up becoming friends. I feel blessed to have met them. My family and I still get regular updates and photos of their babies. We have already visited them once and are looking forward to visiting again soon.” PS Surrogate
“I started the surrogacy process without expecting much from the Intended Parents, but we bonded quickly and easily. I feel very fortunate to have been matched with Intended Parents that visited me during the pregnancy. We got to know one another on a personal level and had a lot of time to bond. My family and I were able to visit them once, as well after the journey. We got to meet the baby, and we hope to plan another trip to see them all soon!” PS Surrogate
We’re Happy with Occasional Updates
A healthy relationship can also mean getting occasional updates, but not pressuring anyone for them.
“Well, I didn’t want a close relationship, and I didn’t think it would be important to me. All I wanted was to enjoy being pregnant again and do something special to help someone in need. However, I feel like the best thing to maintain a healthy relationship is getting and giving periodic updates. it looks to be more important than I thought it would be. Love it, because they still keep me updated, even it means getting pictures once a year.” PS Surrogate
“I would describe my relationship with the Intended Parents as one that business partners have. We were both very passionate and dedicated to a common goal, but I was not anticipating weekly updates after the baby went home. I would have been happy to have the updates, but the family doesn’t owe me anything. I’m just thankful for the wonderful experience and being able to help.” PS Surrogate
“It was my second journey, and the expectation was also same as my first one. After the birth, I had some contact with the Intended Parents through picture updates every month or so. Our relationship is special, but not overwhelming because I also have to take care of my own family.” PS Surrogate
We Haven’t Remained Close, and That’s OK!
Some Surrogates choose not to have a relationship with the Intended Parents because that works for them.
“I imagined having a close relationship with the Intended Parents when I considered surrogacy. It was quite good during pregnancy, but after birth, we became distant. I do wish our relationship could have been much closer than it became, but I feel it would have gotten too difficult for me.” PS Surrogate
In conclusion, there is not just one right answer for the best type of relationship between the Indented Parents and a Surrogate. The perfect relationship is genuinely dependent upon each individual case. It is essential to be clear and direct with expectations and needs from each party before moving forward to have a positive surrogacy journey.
If you’re interested in becoming a surrogate with Physicians Surrogacy (Surrogacy agency in San Diego), you can call us at 858-951-1868 to book an appointment or visit us at www.physicianssurrogacy.com to know more about how to become a surrogate.