Advice For Telling Your Kids That you’re going to be a Surrogate

Your decision to become a Surrogate mom is wonderful, priceless, and selfless. All through the journey, you are going to be making a big difference in the lives of people and bringing a lot of joy into the world. Perhaps, this is the reason you have chosen to embark on a surrogacy journey. However, most intending surrogate women still have one or more concerns over how those in their life will react to their decision to carry pregnancy, especially their children. The great news is that most kids adapt well to the situation. Nevertheless, you can follow the tips below to Tell your Kids that you are Going to Be a Surrogate which can make your decision to become a Surrogate mother much easier.

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Don’t Wait To Tell Your Kids

One of the worst things that you can do is wait until you are “showing” signs of pregnancy before you decide to tell your kids that you have decided on being a Surrogate. This can make the process more difficult – remember that your own children put their trust in you. Thus, do not break this trust – rather, make sure you tell them at the beginning of the journey. This can make things much easier for both you and your own kids.

When you have decided to become a Surrogate – it might be a good idea to get your kids involved immediately. This can happen even before the actual process starts.

Break The News of Being a Surrogate Slowly

Just as you should tell your kids early on about you becoming a Surrogate for someone, you should also be sure to break the news slowly. Even though children do tend to adapt well to this entire process, there may still be a lot of confusion. Do not overload your child or children with too much information. When you are talking to a fertility specialist about the pregnancy process or perhaps to a couple looking to ask you to be their Surrogate, mention to your children that you are considering the process.

Remember that Your Kids will Mirror Your Emotions

As a mother, you may have been through different situations where you have to put on a brave face in order to give your children courage. This is what mothers do when dropping off their little ones at school for the very first time or teaching them how to ride a bicycle without training wheels. They do this because they know that doubt spreads. The same goes for when you are telling your children about becoming a Surrogate. If you feel excited about it, they will be excited, too.

Break Up the Information about Being a Surrogate

An effective way to prepare your kids to receive the great news is by giving them little information ahead. Your little ones can benefit from knowing how various types of families are created. Share the stories of any families that have adopted, fostered, or used a Surrogate if you know any. Role-playing may also be a good way to get children familiar with the concept of surrogacy.

Provide Facts After Telling the Kids You are Going to Be a Surrogate

Little kids may not be able to understand all the details, but they are going to know the fundamentals of the reproductive system. Some older children may wish to know more about the medical and scientific aspects of it. Kids can become more comfortable with the surrogacy process when they know and understand the facts.

Listen and Be Available

After you tell your kids that you are going to be a Surrogate, It can take your little ones some time to adapt well to the news. That is completely fine. Give your children the space and time they need to accept it on their own. In the end, their curiosity will arise, and they will begin to ask questions. They may not be happy that the baby won’t belong to the family. But their minds will be at ease when you explain how happy and grateful you are for having such wonderful kids and that you want another family to experience the same bundles of joy. Your kids may also be worried when the Surrogate pregnancy will reduce your availability to them or about your trip to the hospital to give birth. All these concerns are natural and expected; your reassurance will be very helpful.

Normalize It by Telling Again That You are Going to Be a Surrogate 

Kids are made to believe that children come from moms and then stay in the family. You will need to keep repeating the information again and again. Especially if your kids are very young so that surrogacy can start to feel normal and natural to them.

It may also be good to add the names of the intended parents when referring to the baby. For example, you might say, “Rosette and Todd’s baby is very active and kicking today.” This simple phrasing reaffirms that you are just a Surrogate mother, and also helps your kids to associate the unborn baby with the intended parents (IPs), rather than your family.

Answer the Questions Your Children Might Have

When you tell your kids that you will become a Surrogate, then there is a good chance they might have a lot of questions to ask you. This is the time when you need to make sure you can answer your child’s questions. Refusing them the answers they are looking for can make this entire process unpleasant for your child.

Make sure you understand everything about surrogacy yourself. You need to understand how to become a Surrogate, how the process works, and other critical elements of the pregnancy. If you have any questions yourself – make sure you get the fertility specialist to provide you with a detailed answer.

The more knowledge you have about the process, the better you will be able to answer your children. This way, you can equip your children with the knowledge to ensure they are thoroughly prepared during the entire period.


Surrogacy is a big step to take for any woman. In most cases, women tend to become Surrogate mothers if they already have had children of their own. This would generally mean your children will have questions to ask when you are suddenly pregnant. The entire process of you becoming a Surrogate can be confusing for your children – but with the right approach in mind, you can put their minds to ease and help them better understand what is going on.

Although there are going to be some changes, the number one thing your kids will want to know is that the relationship you have with them will remain the same. If you give them this, everything else will likely fall into place effortlessly.

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Looking for Reliable Surrogacy Info?

Physician’s Surrogacy is the nation’s only physician-managed surrogacy agency. Join our community to get updates on surrogacy, expert insights, free resources and more.