Questions You Need to Ask Your Prospective Surrogate

Choosing the right gestational surrogate is one of the most meaningful steps in your family-building journey. Although intended parents and surrogates may begin as strangers, many develop a supportive, long-lasting bond throughout the surrogacy process. Understanding the values, expectations, and communication style of the person who may carry your baby is an important part of building that partnership.

Before you reach the matching stage, you may have already learned the fundamentals of gestational surrogacy and explored what defines a healthy intended parent–surrogate relationship. Your agency will also have completed rigorous screening before presenting candidates to you. Still, it is essential to get to know your prospective surrogate personally to ensure you both feel aligned.

Below are key questions that intended parents often ask when meeting a potential surrogate for the first time.

1. Where Are You From?

The first time you meet with your potential Surrogate, pretend as though it’s your first date. Get to know her personally. Ask her where she is from. Ask questions about her family, her values, and her interests.

Use this time to find out the type of person she is. Do you see yourself working with her for long? How will she want the communication between both of you to be during the surrogacy process? Will her lifestyle promote a healthy pregnancy?

Please note: allow this conversation to flow naturally. Your Surrogate will want to know you, too.

2. Why Do You Want to Be a Surrogate?

Surrogates make this decision mostly because they like being pregnant and wish to do all they can to help a family. This is the reason why they want to do it for another individual or couple. Every Surrogate has a story behind their decision. You need to find out her story, as this will help you understand her journey to becoming a Surrogate.

But if the story is mostly about her finances, then this could be a big warning sign. If she’s not willing to enter a surrogacy agreement for whatever reason, you may want to look for another Surrogate Mother.

3. What About Your Family? Are they supportive of the gestational surrogacy process?

Does your Surrogate have a partner? What about a family? The Surrogate must be fully supported by the people she loves. Find out if her husband is in support of her decision to become a Surrogate. Has she discussed it with her children? They won’t be directly involved in the surrogacy process. However, the surrogacy pregnancy is going to affect the Surrogate’s family in one way or another.

Be sure that the surrogacy arrangement won’t affect her personal life as this could result in a stressful pregnancy for her and the baby she’s carrying.

4. How Do You Handle Your Pregnancies?

Ask your Surrogate about her previous pregnancies. Did she fall sick? Was she able to carry the baby to full term?

Your agency will already have performed a thorough medical and psychological screening, but it’s still helpful to confirm the details that matter most to you. You can also review how surrogate screening works to understand what’s already been evaluated before the match.

Below are some questions you should want to ask through your agency:

• Will she insist on taking caffeine?
• Will the Surrogate be able to travel for her appointments?
• How involved does she want the Intended Parents to be? Does she want to be visited often or to be left alone?
• Will she take prenatal vitamins?
• How would the Surrogate feel about carrying more than one child in her womb? (Because we know that this is possible when undergoing IVF).
• Will she be willing to speak to a counselor during the surrogacy process?

Now the difficult question:

• How would the Surrogate feel about pregnancy termination and selective reduction?
• What conditions could make her agree to undergo these procedures?

While this is not something we like to discuss, it needs to be addressed. It will make sure that no one is caught unprepared in case things don’t go as planned. The agency would have already found out what the Surrogate thinks of this. However, it’s good to be reassured that the Surrogate will allow you to make the parenting decisions and that both of you agree on this.

Again, you should carry out some research yourself. Figure out the things that matter to you during pregnancy and then inform your surrogacy agency.

5. Are You Willing to Pump for the surrogacy process?

Breast milk and colostrum offer a lot of health benefits for newborn babies. If this matters to you, you will have to talk to the Surrogate Mother about her willingness to pump after childbirth. You may decide how long you want her to pump for if she wants to. However, the cost is usually between $250-350 per week

If pumping is not a viable option, there are many ways for a woman to stimulate the production of breastmilk without being pregnant. Alternatively, you can resort to donor milk or baby formula to feed your child.

Conclusion

As you prepare for your match meeting, asking the right questions can help you understand whether a surrogate’s values and expectations align with your own. These early conversations create the foundation for a steady and respectful partnership.

If you’re still learning how the overall surrogacy process works, you may find it helpful to review someof the key questions intended parents often have about surrogacy. It offers clear context on the medical, legal, and logistical steps that lead up to this stage.

Remember that you don’t have to navigate this process alone. When you feel ready to take the next step or want guidance tailored to your circumstances, you’re welcome to reach out to our team for support and next-step planning.

Julianna Nikolic

Chief Strategy Officer Julianna Nikolic leads strategic initiatives, focusing on growth, innovation, and patient-centered solutions in the reproductive sciences sector. With 26+ years of management experience and a strong entrepreneurial background, she brings deep expertise to advancing reproductive healthcare.