Myths About Parenting after Infertility Treatment & Surrogate Baby

6 MISCONCEPTIONS ABOUT PARENTING AFTER INFERTILITY

Parenting after infertility and it’s treatment can come with many challenges.  Imagine wanting something all your life, then finally getting it and feeling unsure about how to move forward. Parenthood after infertility usually includes non-traditional methods i.e.: IVF, IUI, or Adoption. So, it is likely that you are going to have a unique background that will shape how your entire parenting journey will be. It is not a bad thing to have a baby (be it your own, Surrogate, or adopted baby) after struggling with infertility. However, it is important to realize how past issues with infertility can impact your parenting style. In order to help you get ready for possible situations that may arise, we have compiled below some misconceptions Intended Parents tend to have.

1. All of Your Infertility Emotions Will Go Away

Yes, it is without a doubt that you will be happier than you have been in a very long time when you are dealing with infertility and then finally reach parenthood. This is especially true if you have been trying to have a baby through infertility treatment of a Surrogate mother for many years. It is completely normal to be full of joy for a long period of time after having a baby in your family.

However, you need to know that this feeling of joy will not erase the disappointment you had to deal with prior to successfully becoming parents. It is common for difficult emotions to arise after childbirth, and usually when you least expect them. For instance, someone may talk about how easily they were able to conceive or your own family or friends may start planning to have their own families. These two situations may bring back feelings of loss and grief. These feelings will not have to be addressed constantly. Although, it is important to know that neglecting them after becoming parents may result in serious mental issues.

In order to be the best parent possible, you should retain a positive attitude. You should also properly address any unresolved emotions and issues. It is recommended to contact your infertility counselor or surrogacy agency for help. By doing so, you can learn how to deal with any such lingering emotions when parenting after infertility.

2. You Will Be Happy With One Baby Forever

If you have struggled with infertility for years, you may initially be stuck on the belief that all you need is one baby to be satisfied and happy.  However, it is not uncommon for new parents who struggled with infertility to start desiring more children. This happens often to couples who go through years of issues with conception. However, once they are able to add to their family successfully, the desire may grow in you. You are not alone in these feelings of wanting more.

Parents have often expressed feeling guilt that their miracle child will have to grow up without any siblings. They even feel guilt towards the idea of wanting another child in general.  All of these feelings are absolutely normal. The idea of being able to dismiss these feelings seems like it would be very easy. However, that is not always the case. You should keep this in mind as you prepare for parenthood after infertility. It is important that you also prepare yourself for the possibility of desiring another baby someday. It doesn’t matter if it is possible for you and your spouse or not.

3. You Will Quickly Bond with Your Surrogate Baby

The emotional roller-coaster that comes with infertility is indescribable. You would imagine that everything would become effortless once you get to take your baby home. Although, that is not always the case.  Adjusting and connecting with your new infant can take time. What is important is your willingness to be a good, caring, and loving parent. This will make the biggest difference in bonding with your new child.  

In some instances, you may automatically connect with your infant – whether adopted or born through gestational surrogacy. However, it is also completely normal not to have this automatic bond. As a parent, of course, we want to feel an automatic connection. If that does not happen, it does not mean that you are a bad parent. Neither does it mean that you are not going to have the kind of connection you desire. This is still very new, and everything takes time. It is important to keep in mind that even Biological Parents don’t always have the automatic connection you think they would have with their babies. 

Any journey that involves a Surrogate baby does have different variables. It can affect the emotional connection an Intended Parent may feel to the child. There are different approaches and things that can be done during your Surrogate mother’s pregnancy. These can create a special bond with your baby while it’s still in her womb.  It is important to practice and exercise patience with yourself even if you don’t automatically connect with the baby at birth. Bonding sometimes takes time. 

4. You Won’t Experience Postpartum Depression with Surrogate Baby

Since Intended Mothers are not the ones carrying the baby, many believe they are never going to suffer from post-partum depression. That is not the case. Whether you are the carrier of the baby or a Surrogate, you can experience this mental illness. The risk of being depressed post-delivery can make parenting after infertility difficult. This depression can catch new parents off guard since so much of their time has been dedicated to becoming parents. There are a few common causes of postpartum depression. These include fatigue, lack of support, or unrealistic expectations about parenthood. If you are a new parent and these feelings apply to you, please speak with your doctor, a mental health expert, or the surrogacy agency if you are experiencing any symptoms of postpartum depression.

5. You Are Going Be a “Perfect” Parent for Your Own, Adopted or Surrogate Baby

When you think of parenting after infertility it seems like a walk in the park. If you think about it, all of your dreams have finally come true. You have been preparing for this moment for all of your life and spent countless days and nights considering different options and planning every minute. 

The bottom line is, regardless of the promises you make to yourself while still struggling with infertility, things are going to be different when you finally have a baby. You may find it difficult to meet the expectations you have outlined for yourself, and that’s totally fine. Losing your temper once in a while does not make you a bad parent. It only makes you human. No matter how you get your baby, parenting is not going to be easy. It is unreasonable to think you will always reach the goals you have set for yourself. In actuality, you have no idea what parenting is going to be like.

6. You Will Quickly Recover Financially After Your Infertility Treatments

Everyone knows that infertility treatments can be costly, as can be adoption or surrogacy through an agency.  A lot of Intended Parents try to budget for their infertility treatments. Although, they usually spend more than the budgeted amount when the treatments fail to produce desired results.

A strict budget will probably extend into the first few years of your baby’s life. Agreed, having a baby can be expensive, specially when using IVF or Surrogate through a surrogacy agency. But things can even be more difficult if your financial situation has already been stretched from years of infertility treatments. For this reason, it is important that Intended Parents talk to a financial adviser before embarking on their family-building journey.

All in all, there are many misconceptions about parenthood after infertility. We discussed several issues that can arise, however, if you have any questions or would like more information about surrogacy, please feel free to visit our agency website at www.physicianssurrogacy.com or call us directly (858) 209-3801 to schedule a free consultation.