Want to Become a Surrogate? Questions to Consider on Bonding

If you are reading this, chances are very high that you are thinking about becoming a surrogate. However, there are always concerns that you will bond too much with the baby. Intended Parents also share the same concern. 

Physician’s Surrogacy is here to address some of those concerns and how to deal with them. The most common response we get from good mother prospects is an immediate “I couldn’t do that” when asked if she has ever considered becoming a surrogate mom.

The reasons for this are that they could not see themselves having someone else’s baby. They are such loyal mothers in the first place!  We want to address some of the questions about bonding with the surrogate child to help ease some of your concerns.

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Will breastfeeding the baby cause too much bonding?

There are many Intended Parents who believe that allowing the surrogate to breastfeed the child can cause unintentional bonding. This can create issues later on when they are feeding the child formula. This is the reason why some Intended Parents do not allow their child to be breast fed. They won’t even accept breast milk from the surrogate mother.

We have three responses for this:

• The baby has very limited time with the surrogate mother who is breastfeeding

After the birth of the baby, the surrogate would immediately stop being the caretaker. At this point the Intended Parents will be fully responsible. This means that the Intended Parents will be taking the baby home with them as soon as it is discharged from the hospital. Considering that the surrogate will only spend a limited amount of time with the baby bonding this way is highly unlikely.

• Consider the immediate health and comfort to the baby

Going through birth is not only traumatic for the mother, but it’s also traumatic for the child. The birthing process can be lengthy.  The baby could be trying for 30 hours to come out. Birth is not only hard on the surrogate, but it is also hard on the baby. This is why the Intended Parents should think about letting you nurse the baby as soon as the child is ready.

This is the natural progression with pregnancy. Your colostrum will come in just enough time to feed the baby as soon as they are ready. Colostrum is fully loaded with nutrients and vital antibiotics essential for the baby.

• You can also consider pumping the breast milk or colostrum

If the Intended Parents are too concerned about you bonding with the baby through breastfeeding, you can pump colostrum or breast milk. This is a great option for Intended Parents since they want their baby to have the benefits of breast milk but are unable to provide it on their own.

As a surrogate you should be paid to pump your breast milk and it should be a part of your benefits package. This option is crucial to ensure the health of the baby, but make sure you let the Intended Parents feed the child.

Most parents are open-minded and have absolutely no issues with the surrogate holding the child. However, on the other hand, breastfeeding has some mixed feelings.

Will you bond with the child, if the Intended Parents do not make the birth in time?

This is a subject that we would like to discuss for the parents who are having a baby through surrogacy. In some cases, the parents will be traveling for the birth of the child. We would like to stress that it is crucial to be flexible. When buying your plane tickets, make sure  to leave a few days or a week before.

Physician’s Surrogacy will help you with every aspect of travel, although we always ask Intended Parents to make sure they have travel insurance.

There is no possible way to know the exactly when the baby will be born. We want the Intended Parents to be prepared to change plans if required, so they can be there for the birth of their baby.

You will also need to set up a birth plan with the Intended Parents. Make sure it is clear with the Intended Parents on what their wants and needs are with the following:

• Will the baby receive their shots after birth if they are not there?
• Will the baby do skin-to-skin with you after birth if they are not there?
• Do you want him to be circumcised, if the baby is a boy?
• If newborn photos are available, do you want to take them?
• Antibiotics on baby’s eyes?

Intended Parents should have a birth plan before the birth of their child. They will be much more comfortable with your decisions and not worried whether or not you will bond with their child.

If I’m a surrogate will I bond with the child like my own?

Intended Parents and surrogates don’t need to worry too much about bonding with the surrogate child like they do with their own children. That’s because the child will not be related genetically to the surrogate.

If the baby is not linked to you genetically, it’s wonderful to take the information and channel it into healthy thoughts of what your precious gift of surrogacy will do for the Intended Parents.  

We are here to address some of these concerns about child and surrogate bonding and how to deal with them. If you’re a mother, and want to become a surrogate, click below to see if you qualify to become a Gestational Surrogate with us.

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